Really pissed off at Eve.
Swimming Party at Noah’s. Each guest allowed a plus one.
Egypt: I’m really sorry about the plagues. Looking back, I think killing the firstborn was a little dramatic.
Stop asking me for some direction! Why the hell would I know how to get around the desert? It’s not like I’ve ever been there.
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!! Birthday party for my son Jesus! Manger behind Bethlehem Inn. BYOB. Be there or be LAME!!!! IF YOU AIN’T GETTIN’ DRUNK, GET THE FUCK OUT THE MANGER!
I don’t remember telling you people to stop writing the Bible after two testaments. Harry Potter gets freaking seven testaments, and I get two? TWO?
I think I just OK-ed Catholicism. That drunk.
Headed out to Mecca with my bro Muhammad. Spring Break 628, bitches!!!!
Just finished my bracket for Schism Madness. Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy are in the final game, holla!!
Christopher Columbus is an ass hole. NO ONE BELIEVES THAT YOU DISCOVERED AMERICA, JERK-OFF. IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG. What an idiot.
R.I.P. any shred of dignity Africa had left. You fought well.
So…about the whole…you know, Hitler thing…That was, uh…That was kind of….I fucked up.
Just for the record: Even if I DID give someone a piece of land as a gift, it would not have been a shitty seven-mile strip in the Middle East. Let’s be serious here.
WHOOOA. WE’RE HALFWAY THERE. WHOOOOAAA. LIVING ON A PRAYER!!!
Someone explain to me the reason behind tattoos. Please.
I did not intend for marriage to be between a man and a woman. In fact, I did not intend for marriage to be between ANYONE. If I did, why weren’t Adam and Eve husband and wife? Riddle me that.
